By Grant Tucker

ISBN-10: 1849544824

ISBN-13: 9781849544825

Whether instructed within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and ease unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly shrewdpermanent, they carry a different position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward thrust of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the paintings shape, there turns out no greater time to have a good time the immortal one-liner. during this publication, supply Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever advised in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has all of the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you will ever want – and an entire lot extra.

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Example text

I think it’s time for me to start making my own decisions. Or maybe not. What do you think I should do? My wife said she was going to leave me if I didn’t stop being so sarcastic. ’ I should have known getting married was a mistake. After I said ‘I do’, the vicar looked at her and then asked me if that was my final answer. ’ The judge has got a stutter, so it doesn’t look like I’m getting a sentence. I’m so good at sleep, I can do it with my eyes closed. I was thinking of writing a book, A Guide to Better Shoplifting – but who the hell is going to buy it?

Try breaking a condom. When I was young my mother said I could be anything I wanted to and that the sky was the limit. Which was a bit shit, because I wanted to be an astronaut. Before I go home from work, I always make sure that I turn everything off. Which is probably why I lost my job as a doctor. If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age. My electrician mate accidentally blew the power to the ice-cube factory next door. The company has gone into liquidation.

Next time you eat an egg, just keep in mind… You’re eating a chicken’s period. I like making a move on my girlfriend first thing in the morning to help wake her up. I usually start with the suplex. It’s never too late to start. Which is why I’m putting it off till tomorrow. I have got a bit of a reputation as a ladies’ man in my local. All I can say is, they smell so much cleaner than the gents. A train driver’s job is very straight forward. My girlfriend says I treat her like an object. Don’t blame me, love, you’re the one who says we’re an item.

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5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker

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